I’ve Lost That Knitting Feeling

It is 10 days shy of three months since I have picked up my knitting needles. The last thing I made was a pink and white cotton snuggle blanket for my Kiwi. She was very ill and had to be put to sleep. I took her to the vet all swaddled in it. I made it the night before and it was the very last time she laid in my lap while I knitted. Every time I think about knitting that blankie I weep. After she was put to sleep, I wrapped her in it and kissed her goodbye. She was cremated with it. That was the last thing I made and now I can't knit anymore.

Kiwi loved to sit on my knitting and lay on my yarn. There wasn't a thing I made that didn't have her ok stamp on it. She loved when I knitted. I haven't had the desire to pick up my needles since then. I look at my yarn and needles and I feel nothing. A huge part of the joy I felt when knitting was having her by my side. Watching her get all tangled in the yarn and fall asleep on my unfinished work. I can't face that loneliness yet. I am terrified to knit without her. It will make losing her even more real. Make my loss even more painful. I'm not ready to leave her yet. And until I am, I will not be picking up my needles and making anything for anyone. My needles and heart still belong to Kiwi.

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